One of the most terrifying things I have ever heard was a therapist telling me that he had killed someone while I was unconscious. This reminded me of when I was given drugs at my treatment for depression. I would get up and tell my therapist that I felt very weird, but he would just look at me like I was nuts. He would tell me to calm down or go to sleep. When I would try to communicate with him, he would just tell me to shut up or come back when I was sober.
This therapist clearly had an issue with me and possibly others. He was showing a lack of empathy on how he was viewing himself and his fellow therapist clients. How could he do this when he was the one asking me if I had killed someone?
The only way I could stop myself from repeating these thoughts was to actually sit down with my therapist and confront him about this. Before I was able to get through to him, he would change the subject again. It was like I had a glass lamp with a chain on it. If I did not do what he told me to do, the lamp would break and burn my therapist to death.
This therapist had previously worked with people who had committed homicide and suicide. Obviously, he would never want to work with me again if what I had done during therapy convinced him that I would kill another human being. I realized then that perhaps I should not be so hard on myself. If I kept this up, maybe someday I would learn to do some things that the counselor in question had told me to do. Like what? Here it is…
“I don’t know,” I said. “This is new to you. Usually therapists suggest that we go into therapy until we learn some self-help coping skills to help us deal with the things we are scared of, such as phobias or major life stressors, but this may not help with your problem.”
“So what are you scared of?” he asked. “I am not sure,” I said. “The therapist could not see the part of me that killed someone.” “You killed yourself,” he said.
“No,” I said. “It was my imagination. I just thought that what I was experiencing was real because I was in such great pain, and felt like I was dying.”
The therapist understood what I was saying then. He asked, “And were you afraid of harming yourself also?” I said yes. And the therapist understood.
The therapist then helped me discover what it was I was afraid of, which was a fear of not being able to control my mind. He helped me to develop ways to manage my mind so that I could be in complete control. This made all the difference. Once I got better at controlling my mind, the therapist realized that he too needed to do something to get better. So he suggested hypnosis.
Soon I was entering hypnosis classes. Hypnosis is where you put someone into a relaxed state by using controlled breathing and pacing. You then use suggestion words to communicate ideas to the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind responds to suggestions much like an inner board. And when you use hypnotic language, your mind works much better.
Hypnosis is really simple to learn. You do not need any professional training. Just find a quiet place that is quiet and comfortable. Sit or lie down and close your eyes. Really concentrate on nothing, because it does take focus. Focus on your breath and the feeling of your body and your thoughts.
When you are in this state, you will hear words of suggestion coming to your ears and they really will mean something to you. When you are talking to your therapist, make sure you tell him/her what you are feeling and thinking. For example, if you are worried that you killed someone, you will tell your therapist that you feel scared and guilty. And you will be able to calm yourself down with the help of your therapist. Your therapist will be able to better understand what you are feeling and thinking.
This is an easy way to better communicate with your therapist. And it will help you be a better therapist as well. And so you see, you do not have to kill someone to show your therapist that you are indeed a better person.