The Question, Why Do Therapists Cry Over Their Clients?

One of the most challenging parts of being a therapist is knowing when to stop and when not to judge your clients. For this reason, many therapists and counselors have turned to distance learning therapy in order to avoid situations where they feel that they are being judged by their clients. While there is some merit to the idea that some people judge better than others, it is important to recognize that this is not the only measure of success for a psychologist or counselor.

Even though you may be working with an online therapist or with a psychologist that does not have contact with you, if you do not learn how to manage your own feelings, you will simply be another outcast in the group. Although some counselors like to claim that they do not make assumptions about their clients, this is not really true. In fact, it is quite the opposite: They make assumptions about your ability to process information and that they use your reactions as a gauge of how much they should know about you.

If you are doing Online Therapy, chances are good that your therapist is judging you as well. You communicate with your Online Therapist via chat and if you express your fears and anxieties, this is reflected back to you in the format of your responses. Therefore, even if you are doing Online Therapy yourself, you are still communicating with your Online Therapist and you are being assessed by them as well. Just because you can’t see your clients doesn’t mean that your clients aren’t judging you. That’s what Online Therapy is for: to help you work out ways to manage your feelings so that your clients see only the positive side of you.

Is it a good therapist or counselor to assume that you cannot change? Of course not! Just because you have not been able to overcome your addiction to alcohol on your own, it does not mean that it will be easy to overcome this addiction on your own. In fact, many addicts find it very difficult to overcome their addiction without professional help and counseling. No good therapist or counselor ever judges you based on your current state of mind; they simply work with you to help you discover more about your feelings and how these feelings impact your recovery.

As clients interact with their therapists, they can also judge you. In fact, your clients may actually mirror you. How so? If you’ve been working with someone who has an addiction, you may notice that your clients often speak about their feelings, while you speak less about your own feelings. For instance, if you’re working with a client who is afraid of his or her problem and confides more about his fear than he shares with you, your clients may view you as indirectly blaming him or her for their problems. Thus, your clients’ feedback to you will reflect that “you are not taking responsibility for your own feelings” – a common critique of therapists who assume that clients cannot control their own reactions.

Does the therapist get attached to their clients? Again, you may notice that when you interact with a therapist, he or she will try to get to know you better so that he or she can help you overcome your addiction. During this process, the therapist will likely try to become more understanding and sympathetic toward you, in an effort to understand why you feel the way that you do. Unfortunately, some therapists become attached to their clients, especially if they have worked with them for quite some time. In my experience, most addicts do not come around to recognizing that they need outside help, and therapists who become attached to their patients can actually hurt them.

When do therapists judge you based on what you say? Sometimes during a therapy session, the psychotherapist may ask you pointed questions such as “When was the last time you felt angry?” Or “Where did you feel anxiety?” If you don’t immediately answer the question with a positive response, the psychotherapist will think that you don’t really care about your well-being, and your negative response will reflect poorly on you, which can lead the therapist to label you as disrespectful or unskilled in some way.

As you can see, there are many different ways to interpret the question, Why do therapists judge you? However, you should be able to get a clear answer once you understand the different ways that you can be judged. Many times, people are judged according to how they act, rather than based on what they really feel or what they’re really thinking. Once you get over your fear of mirroring, you’ll be able to see that what you think or say actually has little to do with how you really feel, and everything to do with how you interpret the words or actions of others.