What do you do in therapy? You describe it, I do not think we disagree. So what do you do in therapy? You describe it to yourself, well, okay let me help you with that. You have heard it all, self-help, controlling anxiety, meditation, helping people better understand themselves, forgiveness etcetera.
Okay, now I want to describe to you how to do self-help in terms of changing your behavior and dealing with the issues that you believe are holding you back. That is a good start, but if you cannot come to grips with who you are and where you came from then your understanding of the world is really limited and you will never be able to learn anything. And that is fine, you can continue on your self-help journey learning from books or courses or classes or maybe even a therapist but you cannot stop and take a look at yourself in the mirror. Your behavior and your beliefs about yourself are the limiting factor in how far you can go in any direction with your life. So, self-help, I think is a great description of what you should be doing in therapy.
The other type of self-help that I would describe is the one that is geared toward finding out what things that you believe about yourself are holding you back. In other words, what do you believe about yourself and your ability to do? Do you feel like you are lacking the ability to do something? Or do you feel like you are good enough?
And then there is the description of the belief system, which is another set of beliefs that you have about yourself. It may be ego, one big winner, self-pity, or a million other things. So, you start taking inventory of what you believe and do and see if you are actually practicing it. If not, that’s probably where you need some help.
What you need help with is self-change. It sounds simple enough but the best way to describe it is change of your internal dialogue. So, you need help in terms of getting rid of all of those self-defeating beliefs. If you can’t change them, at least make them smaller parts of your thought process and replace them with new more empowering ones.
Another common thread that runs through a lot of people’s self-help and therapy regimens is that they believe that the way they are feeling now is normal. This is normal. It is really what we call normal! There is one problem with this however. Because of the way our brain and our body work, anything that we feel is only temporary while deep down inside we know that everything is not okay and we need help to get ourselves healthy again.
So, what do you do in therapy if you are not happy or you don’t think that your feelings are valid? You do NOT have to keep going back to that therapist. At some point you will either realize that the behavior patterns are not healthy for you will not be able to change them without help. At that point, unless you want to seriously consider entering therapy, it is best if you just learn how to relax, slow down and let go of those bad thoughts.
I will end by saying this. No matter what do you do in therapy? There is only one thing that you should do if you want to achieve the kind of help that you need, which is the kind of help that can make all the difference in your life between being miserable and being happy.